One Piece but Luffy is a Jerk
by StrifetheKey
Summary: The title says it all. This story is basically One Piece retold, but there are a few changes. Most notably, Luffy is, well... a jerk. Also, the Straw Hats get blown off-course way too much.


**Hello and welcome to my first story upon my account's reboot! Today, it's about One Piece, my favorite anime. NOTE: Luffy will be a bit smarter and quite a bit more jerkish than canon.**

 _Welcome to Foosha Village, a sleepy town that's seen a famous pirate and a not-so-famous mountain bandit. Here, we see a certain rubber-man about to set out for his hopes and dreams._

"Bye, everyone! Wish me luck!" This (rather high-pitched) voice rang out from none other than Monkey D. Luffy, the lovable idiot.

"Probably off to bring shame to our town," the old geezer Woop Slap said in a scornful tone.

"Now, don't be like that, Mayor. He's just off to fulfill his dreams," a bartender named Makino replied.

"His dreams… or his destiny?" Woop Slap wondered quietly.

 _ **Somewhere at sea…**_

The fat bastard Alvida was getting her and her crew's collective ass kicked by Luffy, and a certain cat burglar got away with the treasure from the Alvida Pirates' ship.

"So, who are you?" the orange-haired girl asked.

Luffy responded, "Oh, me? I'm Monkey D. Luffy, a pirate. Who are you?"

"The name's Nami. I hate pirates and love satsuma mandarins. Wait, you're a PIRATE!? In that case, forget we ever had this talk! Also, gimme your money!"

Luffy suddenly lost his grin and stated, "One, I will not forget we had this talk, because I'd like for you to join my crew. Two, I will not give you my money, because I need to buy a ship."

Nami fired back, "Well, I need to get back my village from Arlong! A ship is nothing compared to a TOWN!"

Luffy is still unfazed, and uttered one word, "No. And the hell is an Arlong?"

"Arlong is a conniving, asshat fishman. I need to get my village back from him, so pleeease?" Nami begged with puppy-dog eyes.

Luffy still kept a straight face and said "No" again.

She then got an idea. _"Hey, if I seduce him, will that make him cave in?_

"If you give me your money, I'll give you some of this," she said slyly while she sat on his head.

Luffy tried to say "Get the hell off of me!", but it ended up sounding like he's in serious pain... which he is. He ended up having to resort to forcefully shoving her off with a well-placed fist to the stomach.

"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, PUNCHING A LADY LIKE THAT!?" Nami screamed while sprawled on the ground.

"Hey, you refused to get off my head, so I had to resort to drastic measures, Ms. Gold Digger. And no, I won't give you my money, even if you killed me then."

"YEAH, WELL, err… Screw it, I give up," Nami started off well, but then deflated. She then tried to get his attention again.

"Luffy–" Nami started, but then saw that Luffy had started to walk away.

Upon hearing his name called out by Nami, Luffy turned around. "Eh, what do ya want? I've got shit to do, you know, like recruiting a navigator, a first mate, a quartermaster, stuff like that."

Nami then started again, "Luffy, I can't collect the 100 million belly needed to free my village in one go, since I know that bastard Arlong will just steal it. So will you do a huge favor and go kill Arlong? It's not just for me, it's for the lives of everyone in Cocoyashi Village."

Luffy at first seemed skeptical, "You sure that this isn't for your own personal gain?", he asked. After receiving a crying Nami as an answer, he then lightened up.

"Alright, I'll do it. First, I need directions to y–" He promptly got cut off by Nami hugging him tightly and muttering "Thank you" over and over into his shoulder.

"You said you needed directions? Follow me then, I'm the best navigator in the East Blue," Nami gloated.

"Oi, you need your ego deflated a bit," Luffy remarked.

 **Next Page of Chapter 1: How to Find a Broken Compass**

 _Next time, Luffy and Nami attempt to find Cocoyashi Village, but then end up in a storm. They end up at a village called Shells Town, and find a swordsman with a broken compass for a brain. They also fight a villainous Marine with an axe for a right hand. Will Luffy and Nami ever find Cocoyashi? Find out next time on this terrible fanfic!_


End file.
